In this article, we speak with John Bronner, LICSW, about identity transitions—what they are, how to navigate them, and practical ways therapy can help. With 19 years of experience supporting individuals through life changes, identity exploration, trauma, grief, addiction, and recovery, John brings a compassionate and grounded perspective. His therapeutic approach creates a safe space where, in his words, “all that you are, and all you become, is deeply allowed.”
An identity transition is a redefinition of some aspect of who we are. Identity transitions encompass various aspects of identity, including sexuality, gender, religion, and others. These transitions may also include losing a loved one, divorce, marriage, becoming a parent, losing a child, experiencing illness or disability, job loss, or retirement, all of which impact one’s sense of self, their roles and responsibilities.
Identity transitions can consist of both uncertainty and opportunity. John explains that whether an identity shift is experienced as a crisis or not often depends on external forces and personal perception.
“Identity transitions aren’t inherently negative,” he says, “but they can feel like a crisis when met with rejection, discrimination, or loss. Much of that experience is shaped by external forces, how others respond to or perceive an identity you may have known about yourself all along.”
“It’s hard work to sit down and confront parts of ourselves we haven’t known how to acknowledge for a long time. That’s why the word crisis often feels so accurate. For many people, what brings them to therapy is something they haven’t yet made room for in their own self-understanding, or within their family, school, community, or faith. That’s when identity can feel like a crisis, as it creates discord, discomfort, or dissonance within us. Facing that takes courage, and the instinct to want to flee from it is strong.”
Therapy helps reframe upheaval as growth. “While ‘crisis’ implies disruption, identity transitions can open a doorway to deeper self-understanding.”
John focuses on uncovering internalized biases and fears, guiding clients toward self-compassion, which makes external reactions feel less threatening. He suggests that stress often stems from others encountering the change as new information. Although the process may involve a myriad of pain or difficulties, these transitions can also bring hope.
“Family and friends may initially struggle, but often develop broader, more compassionate perspectives. What was experienced as a crisis can ultimately benefit everyone, making the world feel bigger and more open.”
He describes identity transitions as: “An opportunity to acknowledge and honor something that has always been part of you, even if you weren’t ready to name it before. And that realization is something to celebrate.”
John suggested that a significant part of his therapeutic process involves helping clients examine and unpack their own internalized biases, stigmas, and fears.
Over time, the goal is to accept and embrace your identity internally, which makes the reactions of others feel less daunting and allows you to move beyond fear.
Growing up in a conservative LDS town, John recalls coming out as gay in his 20s as a “crisis”. He emphasizes that growing up in environments where simply existing outside the norm feels dangerous can lead to depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.
“There wasn’t room in my culture or religion for my identity to be seen as normal, valid, or worthy. It was considered an aberration, a sin, something to be overcome, something to be ashamed of. I anticipated that sharing it would be a crisis for others, too, and often it was, though now it feels strange to think that people wouldn’t just accept it.”
“I remember being completely taken aback the first time someone responded to my coming out with genuine happiness, saying, ‘Oh, good, congratulations!’ That moment unlocked in me the realization that people could see this as something positive, something to be excited about, rather than a disaster. This is part of why I talk about thinking of identity crises more broadly, as not just a disruption or crisis, but also a new phase of life, a transition, or even something to celebrate.”
John notes there’s no single reaction, but “If you ask someone safely and openly how they’re doing, you often find a core feeling of being misunderstood, alone, or worried about rejection or abandonment.”
People respond to identity transitions in different ways. Some may become withdrawn, anxious, or isolated, while others might overcompensate by trying to conform to stereotypes associated with that particular identity.
These feelings can manifest in common behavioral or physical signs of stress, anxiety, or depression, changes in sleep, appetite, work performance, or mood, even when the underlying cause is an evolving sense of self.
Identity transitions can occur at any stage of life. Major life events, such as retirement, job loss, bereavement, divorce, trauma, serious illness, becoming or losing a parent, or the “empty nest” stage, can deeply shake one’s sense of self. “These moments often leave people asking, ‘Who am I now?’ or ‘Am I still worthy?’”
Such shifts may prompt withdrawal, underscoring the importance of patience, support, and self-compassion. Even well-meaning questions from friends and family, about work, family, or other aspects of identity, can feel overwhelming, causing further isolation, John noted.
John describes aging and cognitive decline as one of the most profound identity crises, when memories slip away “like water in your hands.” He emphasized that this stage of life brings an increased need for support, particularly as older generations may be less accustomed to seeking psychotherapeutic help.
“Offering older adults the opportunity to share stories, reflect on their lives, and express who they are today, without judgment or pressure, provides vital emotional and psychological support, helping preserve a sense of self during a vulnerable transition.”
John shares common misconceptions to be aware of, along with ways to support someone navigating an identity transition with compassion, respect, and care.
Common Misconceptions
John underscored the profound impact of authentic connection in therapy. “Therapy is not about sitting across from a client as a neutral observer; it’s about creating a collaborative relationship, because you're the expert on your life.”
John also emphasized the importance of a therapist’s openness, curiosity, and presence in their work, as opposed to a rigid specialization. “Experience helps, of course, but each person has their own unique story and background. People don’t want to be seen as statistics or reduced to broad categories; they want to be seen as individuals, in all their complexity. Therapy at its best makes space for that wholeness.”
John advises a gentle approach regarding therapy, allowing the therapeutic process to unfold at your own pace. Finding the right therapist, approach, and timing is important, but you can also trust that therapists are trained to listen with openness and without judgment. “Sharing your
story is central to therapy, though it doesn’t have to happen all at once. Trust and comfort build over time, just like any other relationship.”
Identity transitions can bring both growth and challenges. John highlights three essential elements that help individuals navigate these changes while fostering resilience, self-understanding, and hope.
With guidance and support, periods of uncertainty can become opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and a more authentic connection with oneself and others.
“It's important to get to know this component of you, but there are many other doors and windows to open to the beautiful house, mansion, whatever you are, can't be reduced down to this one single entry point, understanding you are many, many things, infinite corridors.”
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