In the daily stress of a troubled marriage, there’s little time and no emotional distance that allows you to step back, take a breath and see what’s really going on in the relationship.

Even if you could step back, you wouldn’t have the years of experience a marriage counselor has in delving into the deepest pits of emotional turmoil, childhood issues and troubling experiences that have brought you to this crossroad in your marriage.

A professional Massachusetts licensed marriage counselor looks at your situation with the important combination of distance and compassion. A marriage counselor can help you determine what’s changed over the years of your marriage. What are the enduring parts of your relationship with your spouse? What are the troubled areas? What are you and your spouse unable to resolve that’s building up the layers of tension day-by-day and year-by-year?

There are many strategies and styles of marriage counseling and a professional who has been trained and works with the many options can help you find the right one for you. Perhaps it’s a communication issue that can be improved with a different choice of words that are respectful, rather than hurtful. Maybe it’s just that you haven’t put in time together for fun, vacations or new interests. Perhaps you haven’t given yourself the time and respect to grow as an individual, but instead expect your partner to make you “happy.”

There can be deeper and more complex issues. There may be intimacy issues around your sexual relationship.
One partner may be struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, an anger management problem or depression.

It’s relatively easy to determine the right time to seek assistance from a marriage counselor.

Are you concerned that you and your spouse can’t communicate peacefully enough to reach decisions that you can both live with?

Do you and your spouse argue about money, parenting, the division of household responsibilities, in-laws or your extended families?

Has there been an affair by one or both of you that’s destroyed trust?

Do you just wish the joy and pleasure you discovered early in your relationship could be renewed?

Are you unsatisfied in some vague way and not sure why?

If one or more of these issues is on your mind, then now is the time to take a step for your emotional and physical health.

Sometimes we have expectations about marriage that are below the surface of our awareness.

Romance
Some couples begin to feel disappointment that “the honeymoon is over” a year or two into the marriage. It’s just reality sinking in, not the end of love. There’s nothing embarrassing or “wrong” about seeking marriage counseling early in the relationship to develop healthy communication habits that can keep love fresh through common challenges that face everyone at some point.

Children
There a myth that “children hold a marriage together.” It’s true that children are a bond of love that remains throughout life. There’s also a contrasting view now that a satisfying career and engagement with family, friends and community can be a fulfilling lifestyle. Sometimes one partner wants children and the other doesn’t or one person changes their mind after they’re already married. This may or may not be the end of a marriage, but a counselor can help you determine how to cross that divide.

Golden Years
Some couples think that once they’ve survived the major challenges of creating a home, raising kids and developing careers they should be happy and “home free” to enjoy their “golden years.” But researchers in healthy aging  at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that many couples experience increased conflicts at the time of retirement because they suddenly spend much more time together. They may have lingering
communication issues that cause them to fight about money. They may have different interests that may lead to arguments about how much time they should spend together.

It’s common to hear that one person in a long-term marriage can’t wait to retire and play golf five mornings a week, while the other has no interest in golf. One partner may want to spend as much time as possible with grandchildren, while the other wants to finally take off and see the world. These are not necessarily marriage-ending
differences, although some people do get divorced after 35 years of marriage. They’re just different preferences and a marriage counselor can help find a resolution that satisfies both people.

“These aren’t irreconcilable differences at any age or any stage of marriage,” says Michelle Carlstrom, a licensed clinical social worker and director of the Office of Work, Life and Engagement at Johns Hopkins. “The problem is, by the time most couples seek counseling, they have basically given up on the relationship and turn to therapy to clarify whether they should get divorced.”

There are many excuses for not seeking the assistance of an experienced marriage counselor, but Carlstrom says make these excuses at your own peril and the potential destruction of what might actually be a fulfilling
relationship.

Nothing’s wrong
One or both partners may think “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But unworkable habits or outdated perspectives that came down from your parents may not apply to you and your spouse. A study at Johns Hopkins found that
couples married for more than 30 years, with an average age of 60, found that seeking counseling when there were no obvious issues found their emotional and sexual satisfaction improved.

We’re soul mates
Partners who consider their marriage “meant to be” have high expectations that can result in conflicts. Soul mates are people dealing with common challenges and may benefit from the guidance of an experienced marriage
counselor.

Therapy Is So Drastic
Try replacing the word “therapy” or “counseling” with “check-up.” It’s just good to see how your systems are
functioning and heal any issues while they’re small and manageable. You might also consider the perspective that seeing a marriage counselor is like a recommendation from your doctor to take walks to keep your heart healthy. Only in this case, it’s keeping your heart healthy in the realm of compassion and love.

We don’t have the time
Busy schedules can often get in the way of getting on the same page as your partner. Boston Evening Therapy offers flexible virtual couples therapy sessions that can accommodate your busy life. In the safety and comfort of your own home, you can connect with your own couples therapy at a schedule tailored to both of your
availabilities. We are licensed to serve all of Massachusetts.

We are experienced licensed therapists based out of Boston helping Massachusetts clients improve their
relationships. Start discovering the root causes of conflicts in your relationship by scheduling a virtual therapy
session. Online therapy can help couples shed light on their different perspectives and help clear out any
miscommunication that might be playing a negative factor. By creating a safe space to be heard in the comfort of your own home, online couples therapy will ensure that both parties are heard and understood. Our qualified
therapist have helped countless clients start building meaningful and healthy relationships.