Each couple, and each partner in the couple, must be comfortable with the type of
therapy chosen and find a therapist they trust in order to get the intended results – a healthier and happier relationship. Couples therapy is as much an art as a science and as such, it is important to find a therapist that you resonate with. Most therapists draw from an eclectic training background and often integrate concepts from various models, of which there are many. Here are just a few examples of the many options available in online couples therapy.
Narrative Therapy
This method seeks to understand the stories or themes that shape a person’s life. The essence of narrative therapy could be, “The person is never the problem – the problem is the problem.” This therapy endeavors to uncover personal intentions, values and dreams and to recall and emphasize positive instances of those experiences. Discussing the mental health issues as a “story” helps externalize the problems, takes away some of the negative charge and allows the person to gain new perspective. For couples, narrative therapy helps eliminate blame by externalizing the source of conflict. For example, where partners feel annoyed with each other, they can view “annoyance” as an external problem to be examined and resolved, with guidance from the therapist, rather than blaming each other as the personal source of annoyance.
Imago Relationship Therapy Detailed in the book Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, originally published in 1988, Imago
therapy is based on the theory that we tend to choose a partner who brings to the surface the emotional issues we need to heal in ourselves. The concept is that we are wounded in some ways as children and the goal of the partnership or marriage is to heal the unfinished business of childhood. While that may seem a recipe for tension, the long-term goal of Imago therapy is to understand the differences we have with our mate, why our partner may have developed what we may view as an annoying habit or perspective, accept it, and from there develop true compassion and patterns that
create a respectful and mutually nurturing relationship. To put it simply, Imago is based on the theory that we instinctively choose, not someone who is a reflection of ourselves, but a “complementary” partner who will help us become an emotionally richer, more compassionate and more fulfilled human being.
Gottman MethodThis therapy, based on 40 years of research by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, focuses on the couple creating shared fondness and admiration for each other. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions and to repair past hurts. Interventions are designed to increase closeness and intimacy and are used to improve friendship, deepen
emotional connection, and create changes that strengthen the couple’s shared goals. This method works to reinforce trust and commitment to a lifelong relationship.